Bean and Baby Soup

by

2 lbs cooked, diced baby (substitute smoked or honey ham if baby is not available in your area)

10 cups water

2 cups cream

1 cup minced garlic (fresh is best, out of a jar if you must.  Powdered? Are you kidding? Go get some real garlic, chump)

1 lb great northern beans

1 lb lima beans (substitute with split peas if you’re feeling fancy)

6 white onions, quartered

1 green bell pepper, 1 yellow bell pepper, 1 red bell pepper; all chopped coursely

6 drams of pure evil (substitute with virgin tears if pure evil is too rich for your tastes. Cheapskate.)

Seasonings:  celery salt, white pepper, black pepper, italian herbs (all to taste, as you like) and 2 bay leaves

Instructions:     Dump the beans into a ginormous pot (ginormous = 5 gallon pot should do nicely) with the water and seasonings.    Boil them mercilessly for about 1 hour.    Add the seasonings in the proportions you’ve determined to be tasty; I can’t tell you what’s tasty or not, you’ll just have to experiment, though I highly recommend watching yourself with the celery salt- too much will catch up with you when the soup thickens, and that’s just not right.

Add your diced baby , onions and bell peppers to the pot.    Stir in the cream.     Turn the heat down to a low simmer and let it cook for about 8 hours.

Serves approximately 16-32 amoralist pigs, or one small catholic family, as you prefer.

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