Author Archive

EVIL!1!one French Toast

December 29, 2007

You will need-

1 loaf of apple fritter bread, sliced to 1/2″ to 3/4″ thickness

6 large eggs, or 1 really small ostrich egg if you’re into those

2 tablespoons freshly grated cinnamon. Pre-ground if you must use it will do alright. I guess.

2 cups whole milk. You can use 2% milk if you like. 1% is pushing it buddy. Skim? Go eat a celery stick, you prude.

2 tablespoons vanilla


Crack your eggs into a big ol’ bowl. Add the cinnamon, vanilla and milk. Whip until everything is evenly mixed. Dip slices of apple fritter bread into the EVIL!1!one mixture, fry in a well-buttered frying pan or on a skillet at medium heat until done (if you’ve pre-heated the pan, this should take only about 2-3 minutes on each side)

Serves: 1 shockingly hungry atheist with a hollow leg, or 6-8 reasonably hungry atheists.

Recommended Toppings: Regular or Chocolate-flavored Coolwhip; butter and your syrup of choice; crushed fresh raspberries, strawberries or whatever fruit it is you fancy; apple butter. Be creative if you like. I wouldn’t recommend tuna, in any event. Or sardines. But, your call.


Bean and Baby Soup

December 29, 2007

2 lbs cooked, diced baby (substitute smoked or honey ham if baby is not available in your area)

10 cups water

2 cups cream

1 cup minced garlic (fresh is best, out of a jar if you must.  Powdered? Are you kidding? Go get some real garlic, chump)

1 lb great northern beans

1 lb lima beans (substitute with split peas if you’re feeling fancy)

6 white onions, quartered

1 green bell pepper, 1 yellow bell pepper, 1 red bell pepper; all chopped coursely

6 drams of pure evil (substitute with virgin tears if pure evil is too rich for your tastes. Cheapskate.)

Seasonings:  celery salt, white pepper, black pepper, italian herbs (all to taste, as you like) and 2 bay leaves

Instructions:     Dump the beans into a ginormous pot (ginormous = 5 gallon pot should do nicely) with the water and seasonings.    Boil them mercilessly for about 1 hour.    Add the seasonings in the proportions you’ve determined to be tasty; I can’t tell you what’s tasty or not, you’ll just have to experiment, though I highly recommend watching yourself with the celery salt- too much will catch up with you when the soup thickens, and that’s just not right.

Add your diced baby , onions and bell peppers to the pot.    Stir in the cream.     Turn the heat down to a low simmer and let it cook for about 8 hours.

Serves approximately 16-32 amoralist pigs, or one small catholic family, as you prefer.